year thirty-six
Everything we do matters
My birthday reflection this year is a kind of online update since I've been more offline the last while. I'm currently not so clear-minded, somewhat fatigued, with less to say even though a lot happened. But I'm here, and happy to share this.
waves of loss
My father's passing shuffled around many things beyond what I could have expected, and I'm still trying to make sense of this new life. I learned that when a loved one passes away, your old life dies with them and things never 'get back to normal' at some point. Life and death somehow feels a needle apart, which has shifted my priorities, and so I find myself with even less attention to the unnecessary, travelling lighter. At the same time, feeling fortunate to be alive and make the most of it with who or what nourishes me.
movement
I gave myself the gift of training capoeira some weeks in London with a group and master I've been following the past two years. Life-changing by my standards, but not sure how to describe it other than new sensations of what is possible and a vibe that I'll probably carry with me everywhere. Well, at the least it makes me want to dance.
my own food
Although I'm grateful for what seems like years where food just happened around me, it's so satisfying to cook again. Preparing meals while travelling has always been a challenge and I've gotten more practice this year than ever. One thing I'm grateful for is my friend Nairouz demystifying stir-fry to me, as I've enjoyed making it a few times now.
more questions than answers
The past year seems to have been characterized by much uncertainty about the future and what makes sense for me to do.
I passed many periods overwhelmed by my perception of bad things happening in the world, and although I have my own ways to cope, I would invite anyone reading this to share with me: what helps you? I often come back to doing what feels meaningful, even if it's not sufficient. Seems hard to estimate what the world will be like in even five years.
With respect to the technology threads I've been cultivating in previous years, I'm not sure where to place myself considering how the landscape is changing. Conversations and music feel more obvious, as their significance will likely not change in the future. It's interesting to consider what technical things will remain constant… I don't know, but I want to feel like I'm working with a strong sense of purpose.
Perhaps, as someone recently said to me: everything we do matters.
